top of page

Transitions: Here We Go Again!

Karrie Zylstra Myton

"Nothing endures but change."

—Heraclitus


I've got a guest on the Art Words and Yoga blog today!


Beth Prevo is my co-instructor in our upcoming retreat Lean into Life's Transitions on Saturday, November 2nd. She has a lot to share about her experiences with transitions in her life. I especially loved the words of wisdom she offered at the end of the interview. She was speaking to her earlier hurting self, but I forgot that for a moment. It was as if she was speaking to me in my more recent moments of struggle.


I met Beth when she first started teaching with me around the year 2000 when she was newly hired and I was returning from maternity leave after the birth of my oldest son. She observed my classes so she could get a feel for the students and for the types of material I covered. At the time, I was teaching English as another language in a small room off to the side of the sheet metal program at Bates Technical College in downtown Tacoma.


As I'm thinking about it, she was also an inspiration to me as I waffled on whether to get my graduate degree at Seattle University where she had gone.


I can't remember her words but I remember the feeling of what she said about her experience. I could tell that what she learned was incredibly worthwhile to her. I longed to know more about teaching and language so I followed in her footsteps and entered the program there in 2002.


Soon I was observing Beth as a part of my own master's in education program. She is a remarkable teacher who organizes and prepares in order to offer her students the most valuable experience.


Beth retired from teaching English in 2018 after completing another master's degree from Seattle University in Pastoral Studies. Now she enjoys traveling, singing with the South Sound Threshold Singers, cooking, and being outdoors. She has a part-time position at Immanuel Presbyterian in Tacoma where she’s involved with visiting the homebound and working with the Deacon Board, facilitating spiritual retreat mornings, and teaching others how they can advocate in Olympia.

 

Beth is also a Spiritual Director for the Spiritual Exercises for Everyday Living (SEEL) Puget Sound program and is a member of Spiritual Directors International.


I hope you enjoy her open-hearted stories about the transitions in her life so far and what she has done to navigate those times.





What's a recent or significant transition you've gone through in your life? 

 

Well, there are two very significant transitions in my past. The first one was my divorce when I was 30 years old. The second one was finding the body of a dear friend. Well, that's not quite accurate. I knew something was up when I visited that night, but my friend didn't come to his unlocked front door. I was too scared to search the house beyond the entryway, so I called 911. Two police officers went in and discovered his body.

 

A very recent transition I am still currently working through started in the Fall of 2022 when my partner of almost 4 years and I bought a home in Gig Harbor and moved in together 24/7. 

 

What were some of your biggest challenges with this transition?

 

The biggest challenge to my divorce was accepting the fact that I didn't really know my first husband very well. I never in a thousand years thought he, or anybody else I was partnered with, would go to bed with somebody else while still in our relationship.....much less while still in marriage counseling! See, I can still get kinda worked up about this...(Smile)

 

For my friend's death, the shock of it all was something I couldn't deal with at the time. I had to inform his family and business partner, draft an obituary. I also helped plan and execute the memorial service. Still, waves of grief moved through me during that time. Later, I tortured myself with the "What ifs?" of the situation. What if I had checked up on him days earlier, when I first became concerned about his welfare? Would he still be alive today?

 

Challenges have accompanied me throughout my recent move to the other side of the bridge. After spending the last 16 years unpartnered, sharing space with homestay students from all over the world and doing my own thing, it's been really tough for me to share space with a partner again, as delightful and charming, wonderful, and handsome as this man is! 


I am also a true child of the suburbs. The area of Gig Harbor we're in is the most rural lifestyle I've ever lived in. Whether I was living in Lakewood, University Place, or Tacoma, I loved using my own two feet to get to a grocery store, library, coffee shop, post office, you get the picture!  (Yes, I do seem to be genetically predisposed to move rather often.) 


That kind of walkability isn't available in our new home.  And thirdly, oh my goodness, the gargantuan challenge has been my acceptance of the fact that (drumroll, please!) I don't do well with change! I've always prided myself on my Gumby-ness. But that vision of myself has slowly had to melt away in the sun.

 

What practices helped you the most? 

I'm not proud to say that I chose some rather unhealthy practices to get me through my divorce and the death of my friend. I turned to the Eeen Sisters and their cousin Allie: caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol. 

 

 Who helped you the most? How did they help you? 

 

The friends I was smoking and drinking with throughout the divorce were instrumental in my recovery from that event. They listened, again and again, to my side of the story, and always took my side! What else are friends for? They never seemed to tire of me, thank God, and  I even lived temporarily with two of them during that time. The friend whose body I later discovered was especially helpful, scooping me up and giving me confidence in myself again. The time spent with these three friends has made me into the person I am today.

 

It was also therapeutic, years after the divorce, to realize and accept that while I had remained faithful to my marriage vows, I had, in my own way, contributed to the end of that marriage.

 

When my friend died very unexpectedly, I called on the Eeen sisters and Allie again for a hand up (not healthy!).  However, I relied on them much less than I had 20 years earlier. A larger thing that got me through that death was my faith community's love and support. While I had a community of wonderful friends through my divorce, it wasn't a faith community. For me, the support of my church family was deeper and more meaningful.

 

As for my current adjustment to Gig Harbor...well, I worked with my therapist and spiritual director for 18 months or so. I still work with a spiritual director, and this issue will occasionally come up, darn it. 


But I've found a very helpful practice is the old "Have an Attitude of Gratitude." I am blessed in many ways, but Evil Ego often chooses to focus on the negative. Our brains allow positive concepts to slide away like our gray matter was Teflon-coated. But our brains (mine, anyway) just love to latch on to negativity! Actually, the media knows this, right?

 

When I find myself starting to be negative about some aspect of my new life situation, I try to redirect myself in gratitude. I take deep breaths of the good air, pour myself a tasty glass of well water, and go outside and enjoy the trees, thanking the Divine for these gifts I often take for granted.

 

What advice or words of comfort would you give to your past self about this time?

 

You will get through this. You will be transformed. You will experience joy once again. Note the verbs are in the future tense. While you're getting there, be patient, kind, and loving to yourself and to others. As they say, we have no idea what struggles the other people we may encounter are having.




A woman in sunglasses at a cafe
In Portugal at the beginning of her El Camino pilgrimage
Green ground cover with flowers. Foggy in the background with rocks and water
The first day of her El Camino journey

25 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Bình luận


bottom of page